Capacity issues

Wish I had a buck for everybody who tried to pass the buck by claiming to "lack capacity."

It may seem foolish to portray oneself as a can't-do person, but like any buzzphrase, I think this one has spread because it captures a complex truth. We all understand and have incorporated into our lives the notion that scarcity boosts value. Unfortunately many of us seem to have gone a bit overboard and concluded that if we, ourselves, are scarce, then our value will rise.

The truth in this is reflected in the way one feels one has won a lottery prize after managing to "get some time" with an overbooked executive or politician. The frequent observation that chief executives are godlike is apt: they spend a lot of time in the sky, walk among us only rarely, and use their power to reward or punish in unpredictable ways. Every organization is entitled to a small pantheon of these creatures.

It's fine to dress like the boss, but acting like the boss before actually becoming the boss might not be the sharpest thing to do. To say yes to everything is to invite abuse, but to say no to everything is to become reviled. Regardless of the business you're in, there has to be service involved.

Besides, to claim lack of capacity isn't the same as claiming lack of intelligence or ability; it's to cleverly suggest that one is a bit of a victim, that if only circumstances were a little different, one would be thriving and would be able to help with whatever the request was. As it is, well -- wish I could help, but it's just not possible. In this way it's possible to both claim and reject accountability at the same moment.

I would rather hear "I'll do my best" or even "hell, no" than "I lack capacity."

Bike-scaring

For years I've wished -- prayed might even be the right word -- for Denver to join the family of civilized cities and offer bike-sharing. Now that it's here, I've come down with a big ol' case of be-careful-what-you-wish-for-itis.

The problem isn't that people aren't using the shiny new B-cycle kiosks scattered around downtown, but that they are. The reality of widespread bicycle usage is shattering the myth of cycling as a force for good. Cyclists, it turns out, are only human, which is to say, selfish and dangerous.

Something about the design and placement of the kiosks -- perhaps that they're located on sidewalks -- seems to suggest to users that they are more akin to slow-moving personal mobility devices such as wheelchairs and Segways than to road machines. The breezy, retro, beach-combing styling of the bikes themselves may contribute to the feeling that they're being offered as an alternative not to driving, but to waking. As a result, great numbers of B-cycle customers are now cruising the sidewalks of Denver, quite illegally. If bicycles are supposed to make our streets safer, they have instead made our sidewalks chaotic.

And what's with renting bikes without helmets? Someone must have got a knock on the head before coming up with this genius plan.

Even if B-cycle gets an A, whether the project succeeds or fails is entirely up to riders.

Dear NPR

Dear Mr. Siegel,

Please stop pausing so long between saying "Welcome" and "to the program" that the guest starts to say "Thank you" and then you talk over him, causing confusion and embarrassment for all. Thank you.

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Dear Ms. Aubrey,

Please force air through your throat even at the end of a sentence. Thank you.

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Dear Ms. Joffe-Walt,

Your ancestors will still love you if you pronounce your name as if you are conversant in English. Thank you.

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Dear Ms. Lim,

Weally? Weally twuly? Thank you.

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Dear Ms. Beardsley,

Do a Southern accent or a French accent, but please God, not both at the same time. Thank you.

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Dear Ms. Silberner,

You know you pronounce your name as if it were Joannsil Burner or perhaps Joe Ansilberner, right? Could you pronounce it properly? It's your name, for chrissake. Thank you.

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Dear Mr. Goodwin,

Texas doesn't deserve you. Westervelt will get caught hiring Hamas hookers or something, and then you can write your ticket to Jerusalem. Thank you.

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Dear Mr. Inskeep,

Whom do you think you're helping by making the guest repeat herself with such cheap verbal tricks as "So you're saying..." and "Let me be sure I understand this..."? You're smarter than that, and more importantly, I'm smarter than that. Thank you.

Creeping social-ish-ism

I attended a social-media forum the other day that answered a few questions but raised more. The guest speaker had forgotten her airline ticket in Chicago, and without enough time to retrieve it from home, returned to her house and took questions by Skype from her kitchen. Much of the event was dedicated to praising the committee members in Denver who made the linkup possible.

They did do an excellent job, and interviewing a social-media consultant via Skype is of course perfectly apt. I also admired the guest for responding to a question about the downsides of always-on connectedness by conceding that it was fatigue that led her to forget her ticket.

But the entire time I was wondering: she forgot her what at home? How is it even possible to forget an airline ticket at home anymore? It's years since I've even seen an airline ticket, let alone held one. When you get to the airport these days you swipe this or scan that or print the other thing, and off you go. The only way to be denied boarding is to be a suspected terrorist or fat, and unless Skype is incredibly flattering, this lady wasn't fat. If my parents can navigate an airline Web site or kiosk, so can a social-media guru.

I learned a lot about tactics (for example, how to begin using social media even in a heavily regulated industry like securities or health care, which is of interest to me in my current job) but came away with the same feeling I get after receiving an unintelligibly mis-punctuated message from a Blackberry: that there is no point using social media to "connect" and "engage" if we're simultaneously allowing them to make us dumb.

Washington needs a tune-up

Turns out politicians are perfectly believable about one thing: what a bad job they're doing.

More and more Americans believe the federal government is irreparably dysfunctional if not downright evil (Hitler had toll booths... is that what you're proposing?) and I think the main reason is not that the federal government is irreparably dysfunctional if not downright evil -- after all, when did Americans ever base their opinions upon the facts? -- but that politicians have, collectively, launched a massive media campaign to convince us so.

Claiming something's broken may seem like an obvious line of argument: just hire me, and it'll get fixed! But imagine taking that tone in a job interview or annual review:

"Eric, thanks for coming in. So tell me, why are you interested in Acme and what do you bring to the table that other candidates don't?"

"Thanks for bringing me in, Ms. McGillocutty. The truth is, your company is broken. Through years of fraud, mismanagement and waste, you've managed to cheat shareholders, workers and customers while making a terrible, terrible product. I'm shocked you've done as poorly as you have, but by God, you've managed. This place is broken and it can't be fixed. We need to start again."

"Thank you for sharing your perspective. Please show yourself out."

When will we break free of the "outsider" mentality in politics and start valuing experience and competence again? "Government is broken" is a self-defeating line of reasoning that truly needs fixing.

Smokin' break

I joined the gym at work. While I used to have access to the gym when I worked at a rec center, this is the first time I've done anything other than eat or check personal email at a place of business that wasn't directly related to the business of the place. It's a great little facility (not so little, really -- several cardio machines, full weight room and studio) on the ground floor of the Gates Building in LoDo. I enjoyed my workout and very much enjoyed the level of attention that the manager, Dave, gives to the place. By dint of comparison, I now know why people complain about the cleanliness and enthusiasm levels at the JCC.

I was amused by what I saw out the plate-glass windows. Yesterday, of course, being Opening Day, what we mainly saw was streams of people heading to Coors Field. But also, the gym happens to be separated only by those windows from where the building's smokers congregate. I guess using the gym is my smoke break, except instead of smoking cigarettes, I'm smokin' hot!

Getting over the sense that I'm shirking work while exercising is something I'll probably never quite get the hang of. But my employer didn't just let us know the gym existed and drop the subject; they solicited our membership over and over, signaling that participation is not just tolerated but encouraged. I think four of us have joined. I wonder if we'll bond like the smokers do. One thing is sure: we'll have access to fluffier towels.

Thank you for your e-mail

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