Thank you for your e-mail

Thank you for your e-mail. Due to recent budget cuts, I am not fully staffed. Therefore it may take up to 20 business days for me to reply. Working harder in response to the budget cuts so that I may continue to fulfill my pledge of serving the public to the best of my ability is not an option. You actually thought I took such a pledge? Ha. Ha ha. Ha.

Due to self-mandated furloughs, I will not be able to answer your e-mail on odd-numbered days beginning with a T or ending with a y. Also our systems will be down for required maintenance on all Greek Orthodox holidays that in any way involve a lay or religious figure whose name ends in "opolous."

I value your loyalty, and demand your patience and understanding.