Please stop pausing so long between saying "Welcome" and "to the program" that the guest starts to say "Thank you" and then you talk over him, causing confusion and embarrassment for all. Thank you.
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Dear Ms. Aubrey,
Please force air through your throat even at the end of a sentence. Thank you.
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Dear Ms. Joffe-Walt,
Your ancestors will still love you if you pronounce your name as if you are conversant in English. Thank you.
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Dear Ms. Lim,
Weally? Weally twuly? Thank you.
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Dear Ms. Beardsley,
Do a Southern accent or a French accent, but please God, not both at the same time. Thank you.
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Dear Ms. Silberner,
You know you pronounce your name as if it were Joannsil Burner or perhaps Joe Ansilberner, right? Could you pronounce it properly? It's your name, for chrissake. Thank you.
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Dear Mr. Goodwin,
Texas doesn't deserve you. Westervelt will get caught hiring Hamas hookers or something, and then you can write your ticket to Jerusalem. Thank you.
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Dear Mr. Inskeep,
Whom do you think you're helping by making the guest repeat herself with such cheap verbal tricks as "So you're saying..." and "Let me be sure I understand this..."? You're smarter than that, and more importantly, I'm smarter than that. Thank you.
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