All deli containers shall henceforth use interoperable lids.
Professional broadcasters delivering weather forecasts on public radio stations whose call signs begin with K and end with R and also have a C and an F in there somewhere shall henceforth be prohibited from saying "uh" or "um" or otherwise stammering, repeating or forgetting themselves more than once per sentence, because they're professional broadcasters for cripe's sake and there are plenty of talented people out there who would love to have a job like that.
Headline writers shall henceforth be prohibited from modifying the noun "ride" with the adjective "wild" or the adjectival phrase "roller coaster" in describing stock-market volatility. Likewise shall they be prohibited from using the phrase "a yen for" when describing anything that is popular in Japan. These provisions shall apply in all media, print or electronic, known or as yet uninvented, in this or any other universe.
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Here, Here! All in favor say: "Aye!"
ReplyDeleteOy, I forgot the most important one of all:
ReplyDelete"The TV networks shall henceforth and forevermore cease their silly practice of putting prime time shows on at different times in different time zones, and shall instead either put them on simultaneously everywhere, or at the same hour of the clock, so that 8:00 means 8:00 and that's that; so say we all."
Customer service representatives who are unable to answer your question, or help you with the very reason that you called, shall heretofore be prohibited, forbidden, banned and or barred from asking, “Is there anything else I can help you with today?” when they in fact have helped you with absolutely nothing at all.
ReplyDelete